Okay, so here goes my first blog. I used to keep diaries always when I was little and through high school, but haven't done that in years. Guess this is the same thing! It helps me to write everything out. I actually have the time, now that I'm not working. Maybe it'll motivate me to pick my book up and finish writing it. I got half the book written in just two months and then put it down over a year ago and haven't touched it. It's always been a dream of mine to write a book.... so let's hope this encourages and motivates me! :)

We're still hangin' on to this crud we've had for two weeks today. It started out as the flu but got into our lungs and turned into pneumonia in me and Ryan, cause of our asthma. We still have the nasty croupy cough but we feel good now, so that's all that matters. We were achey and feverish for like 11 days. Tristin felt better for two days and then got a fever again, so it kept hanging onto him, too. Damen and Zane just now have the cough but their fevers were 105 and 105.5- scary!! Like we need any more brain damage around here! HAHA Sean's had the crap for 4 days or so. Think he's finally feeling better, for the most part. He still went fishing while he had the crap, and got out there and dug my garden. He worked hard on that, for a few days. It's all ready to go now; just needs the weather to stay warm for awhile and we can put things in it. My flowers are starting to come up in the front yard and my fruit trees are covered in fuzz. We were supposed to get snow today, though. The weather can't make up its' mind what it wants to do. I just hope it doesn't kill my flowers!

We're in the middle of trying to refinance our home. We just bought it in August, but we bought it under owner financing because the guy hadn't owned it for 90 days, so he couldn't sell it as FHA, even though we were approved. Our interest rate is 7% with him and it'll go down to 4.825% with FHA, so that'll be great. We have to go to Walmart today for paint and we're going to paint Damen and Ryan's walls. We also bought a new dishwasher that we have to go pick up today. It's a really nice one! I don't like dishwashers but I figure it'll be good for killing germs and sanitizing everything.

I'm becoming more obsessive-compulsive lately. Not sure why that is. I think what triggered it was working at the jail. Each night when I'd come home, I had to take another shower to feel clean. Sanitized my hands constantly while I was there, too. Now I'm more of a germ-a-phobe than I was, even. Oh well, what can ya do? I quit my job. Actually, I gave my 30 day notice and the next day, I got sick. I was sick for so long and my boss had to cover for me. She finally just pushed me out of there. I didn't get my 30 days. I didn't get to tell any of my students goodbye. Had I realized that last day was my last, I would've told everyone goodbye. It's really bugging me because I'd grown attached to them. I miss my job. My boss had been lying to me and Andrea (the morning teacher) about lots of things, though. For example, she told us we would never have students with violent or sexual crimes. Then come to find out, one of our new students has a sexual assault charge and attempted murder! That scared me. There were a couple of guys that scared me and they flat out told me they weren't afraid to go back to prison... I got out of work late and there were no lights around the back of the jail. I had to walk to my car alone (a block). This one guy was a huge, muscular body building looking guy that was cocky and conceited and used to getting his way with women. He always made comments to me and was creepy about it, licking his lips and all. I really didn't want him waiting for me in the parking lot one night.

Anyway, so that's one reason I gave my notice. I also didn't like the way things were going with the company. They suddenly want us to treat the students like crap, like the guards treat them. I respect them because most of them respect me and I refuse to be a different person than myself and treat them that way. It disgusted me the way the system does them! I had no idea; ;my eyes were opened to a LOT while I was there. I just can't handle working in that environment. Most of them don't deserve to be treated like that. So now I'm jobless. :) At least now I can hopefully do some scrap booking, home video making, keep my house spotless again, and work on my book.

I still have three weeks left of my last class. It's Anatomy & Physiology II. It's going really well and I'm ahead in the class. I have a huge decision to make about school, though, and have just 1 1/2 weeks to decide. Right now, I'm at Colorado Tech University in Denver. I like the school okay. The classes are easy to me and move quickly. They have a wait list on the surg tech program, but I'm not on the wait. I'm already in the program. I'm supposed to start my surgical classes in April, and get right into the program. I'd be done in a year and be a surg tech. I'm also on the wait list for the surg tech program in Greeley. The problem is, that school only takes 12 people each year. They don't accept them till Thanksgiving each year. I have to wait till Thanksgiving this year to find out if I'm even accepted into the program this fall, or if the wait list is so long that I have to wait till next Thanksgiving to begin. The earliest I'd begin classes is January 2010, and by that time, I'd be about to graduate from CTU (the school I already go to). Sounds easy, right? Just stay where you're at, get it over with, and be done with it.. but it's not that easy. Problem is, I just quit my job, and on Sean's income alone, we can't afford to pay a sitter while I go to school in Denver. It's a 45 min drive each way everyday, assuming there's no traffic. For 6-8 months, I'd just have probably two 1-2 hr long classes at a time, twice a week. Then I'd have 13 weeks of clinicals, Mon-Fri, 7:30-4:30 (plus drive time), where I'd have to pay a sitter for two kids.

Not only that, but CTU (where I'm at now) is 3 times the cost of Greeley. I'm paying for school on student loans. I already have my bachelors, so I can't get any pell grants. I'm racking up student loan debt like crazy. If I go to Greeley, it's only a 15 minute drive and it's 1/3 the cost. Plus, once clinicals start, I'd be closer to home and I have the opportunity to do them on weekends or nights, and wouldn't have to pay for a sitter. The other thing is that, since there is such a long wait before I could even start the program, the two younger boys would be older. Damen would be in preschool or kindergarten before I get out, and it'd be easier to leave Zane with a sitter or at a daycare. Plus, I'd get a break to do "me" stuff, like write my book, do home videos, scrapbooks, and spend time with the younger two while they're home. The only thing is, part of me wants to just finish it up and be done with it. So that's the dilemma I'm having. Should I stay or should I go? LOL Any suggestions? I'll probably end up going to Greeley (and waiting), but I'd rather just stay where I'm at. It's so expensive, though.

Tristin's doing really well in school and wants to do wrestling when it starts. Basketball's been over for 5-6 weeks. Ryan's wanting to do soccer. Ryan's lazy as all crap and doesn't want to bring his homework home. He's missing sooooooo many assignments, that he has an F in science and a D in math. Those are his two best subjects. The kid is VERY smart and he's supposed to graduate when he's 16 because he's a grade ahead. Problem is, he's soooo lazy and just doesn't give a crap! He doesn't care what the consequences of his actions are. I'm not sure what to do with a kid like that. He's just like my brother (Troy) was and Tristin's like I was. I can't even comprehend WHY you wouldn't want to do your work. It's easier to just do it and try your best, rather than making everyone upset and flunking out, when you're smart enough for the work. I've tried everything with that kid; it's frustrating. He's so nonchalant and carefree. Damen's being a big kid lately; really growing up. He's been potty trained since he was 2, but still peed the bed at night. Now he doesn't pee during his naps and usually doesn't overnight, either. He's so big acting lately. Makes me sad! Zane's quite the little turd. He's the sweetest kid, ever, unless he's tired or sick. Then he yells and punches; he's really mean and feisty. He's tiny but he's full of it. Still can't seem to get him out of our bed. He's SUCH a bad mama's boy! He won't get 5 feet away from me. He calls me "honey". hahaha Some nights he'll sleep with the boys (doesn't want to but he finally will), but usually he's with us.

Well, I have to go make everyone breakfast, so I'll write more later. This is way longer than I wanted it to be anyway but I was having fun! haha Until next time......